Stop Fighting: 5 Proven Steps

Arguing too much? Not getting the results you're looking for? Calm the waters within you and between you with this proven approach...

1) Back off in low moods
Everybody goes back and forth between good moods and bad moods. Always pay attention to what mood you're in when you're trying to get along with your partner. Strong emotions come up during bad moods that can keep you both away from using sound judgment and common sense. In other words, when you're in a bad mood, you're going to make reactive decisions. Watch how your mood affects how you treat your partner. Be aware of how your partner's bad mood affects how he or she treats you. Instead of pushing an issue you want to discuss or resolve, try to back off when you or your partner is in a bad mood.

2) Give/take time to calm down.
After you've noticed the low mood(s), be sure you have backed away kindly and respectfully. Watch your thoughts during this calming down time. Try to focus on what you love about your partner. Think about him or her as having great capacity to make good decisions and to be loving toward you.

3) Get back to a better mood.
Moods always shift with space and time. When you return to your partner, have lightness within yourself and do your best to maintain that, no matter how your partner acts. When you both feel more lighthearted again, do your best to ask germane questions about what you both can do to look at your disagreement in a more common sense way. If you sense either of your moods dropping again, be careful to do more listening and leave room for the other person to be heard and acknowledged. Allowing your partner to make his or her own choices and mistakes is a good practice, as long as those choices are not damaging or toxic to the relationship/family.

4) Re-connect through your inherent common sense and wisdom.
Instead of trying to change your partner's behaviors or opinions, try to understand his or her perception of the situation, and help raise his or her level of thinking about what is possible to do from here. Be careful not to criticize or threaten negative outcomes of the decisions he or she may make. (The more negative messages a person gets, the more they will be discouraged, sending them into bad moods or withdrawal.) Focus on desired results and think together on alternative scenerios that could bring that result. As you encourage your partner, see him or her as having all the common sense necessary to make good, healthy decisions. This creates an empowered partner!

5) Respond with a loving feeling.
Here's the most powerful part. No matter how the interaction goes, respond with love. Do your best to treat your partner with kindness, despite his or her actions. If you are hurt, keep your heart guarded as you need to, but also find forgiveness and express gratitude for the learning experience. Then watch what happens within you.